First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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