i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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