Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
