I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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