oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
how does that bad decision feel?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
