I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
