So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
