I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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