just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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