Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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