Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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