I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
