okay pat passed out under dana's car
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
