Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
