It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
