Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
