walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
