i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
