Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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