she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
