Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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