***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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