I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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