if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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