And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
