how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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