He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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