i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
