Nicole vs. Life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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