dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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