Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
