This is not my ceiling
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize