I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
