A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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