no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
