Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
