I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize