We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just invented taco cereal.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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