she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You are a genius and a whore.
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