We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
