I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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