It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
