I accidentally had phone sex last night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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