so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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