Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
