yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
