Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
