she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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