Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
