I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
