Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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