Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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