I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
