once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
