K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
