"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
