piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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