I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
