Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
