your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
