she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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