I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
