this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
