it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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