Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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