the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
