dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
